Inspiration...Me?! That couldn't be.

I started the fight for my life 9 1/2 years ago. My fight continues not just for me for but for those I love and those I have lost.

It was 2004, I sat in the stark waiting room of the oncologists office....waiting...waiting for news. Waiting to be poked...waiting to know my future. Waiting alone for them so save my young life.

The door opened, we all looked. It wasn't the door to the doctor's office All of us waiting for the grim results. But it wasn't the door to the Dr's office it was the door to the waiting room.

I sat shocked. Locked, frozen in shock. My thoughts danced. I looked away so that we wouldn't make eye contact. The words were loud yet unspoken.

I glanced at the plaque on the door, Oncology and Hematology....of course you were here for blood work! Relief... I knew why I was here...I worried why you were here. I am here because I have cancer!!

But I was sure you were here to get blood work....

He sat in the chair and pulled out a dry erase board. On it he wrote, I'm Sorry, I love you.

I sank in my chair. He sat next to me but didn't speak. Held my hand but couldn't look at me. When he finally gained  the strength to look at me he had tears in your eyes but didn't speak....it was then that I knew. It was then my heart broke.

You had CANCER...Dumb STUPID CANCER!!! Please no I thought.....no, no, no...I love you, you can't have cancer!

He said I inspired him. Inspired him to fight every day. We lost him, I was devastated, and I loved him to the end. I love him still and think of him often. I fight for him and for all the others that have to fight this awful disease.

 I never meant to inspire anyone....I'm not even sure I do...I just try to be me.

Honestly....he still inspires me. Inspires me to be a better me.